humbleness, or humility

hmmmm, that last post on Ounce Dice Trice is not right. It is irking me. It is false. It is trying to be something that I cannot actually do. It is empty and meaningless and does very little to actually convey the beauty of the book. i recommend that you just go read it right away so as to actually understand...

anyhow, what i meant to say was:

today after yoga, in the changing room these women were talking about the arrival of their periods and about the new moon, and it reminded me that indeed female menstruation is said to ebb and flow and wax and wane with the moon like waves. and then i realized that my "moniker" of sorts has become moonbellysunshinestardust rays, and thus how appropriate "moonbelly" is in it... and isn't that amazing! the notion that our bodies can become so in alignment with the natural world, that there is some moonessence floating around in the world shifting and shaping us. it's beautiful. and so i wanted to read more about this. sex ed and biology class, most formal education so far, really, has done me rather poorly and so as wikipedia shares articles on menstruation and the menstrual cycle with me i realize that there's a bundle of stuff i don't know about my body that i feel i should - particularly regarding menstruation, something that has happened so me countless times over the years, something that is a critical part of my being, and really all human being. and who knew that reading about menses could be so mesmerizing - i still have a ways until i get to reading about the moon... because it's all quite fascinating, the fine-tunement of our bodies, the hormones secreted and the follicles, the calls and responses, this conversation that is continuously being had in our bodies. how did this all happen? besides years and years of evolution, this physical existence, this being, these tiny tiny atoms that carry such knowledge and life essence in them? that inspire thoughts and words, the ability to not only have babies but to find attachment to them, too, and at the same time that creates computers and internet and carries emails across continents, through space and time - it's INCREDIBLE. astounding. mind boggling. what is this world that we have created? what is physical being, in the sense of flesh of bones?

and perhaps most of all, what is the empty falseness of contemporary western civilization? how have we so forgotten what is real and essential and natural to our beings? how we have strayed... this broken culture of an oppression that is ingrained and institutionalized so deeply within it, ghettos and hate and war and violence, money-and-thing-craving body-vessels working tirelessly and soulcrushingly to purchase all of these things apparently necessary to survive. what have we forgotten along the way, what have we lost sight of as we have raced towards this elusive prized place of... civilization, advancement, technology, efficiency, modernization? we have no control, really. we become so caught up in our singular experiences, as i am now sitting here in my bed under piles of covers listening to music thoughts cutting canyons and gorges through my head writing you an email, solidly rooted within myself and my own experience, that we fail to see that our hand is a leaf. but in the scheme of things, of all, we are minute and not just small, but tiny. our lifetime is a dying candle compared to stars, and that's just stars. the existence of humankind on earth is but a single one of your eyelashes. one day it will no longer exist... it is nothing in the sight of the billions upon billions of years of time that earth alone has seen, not to mention all else that exists and resides and is or has been in, within, a part of the incomprehensible vastness that is space, time, and is-ness. in the face of that, what are we, really?